Thinking...something that I really shouldn't be doing.

I'm back to thinking about my life and where it's going and where I've been. A lot has happened to me in my life time and I know that a lot more will happen to me in the years to come. I've had my heart broken many times and not because I feel in love with a boy. Every person, every friend that has told me goodbye has taken a piece of my heart with them. It doesn't feel like there is much left anymore. Friendship is hard work and I've tried my hardest to make my friendships work but if the other part doesn't want it to work then no amount of wishing will make it work. A quote that has in a way has become my motto says "If you care you just get disappointed all the time. If you don't care nothing matters so you are never upset." I guess that's the way that I've started approaching my friendships...I can't care for anyone too much because in the end all they are going to do is say goodbye just like all of the others that have come before them. Life sucks and then you die so in the end nothing really matters anyways. I wish that I could just turn off my brain because I'm tired of feeling. I'm tried of being rejected. I'm tired of living. I just want a happily ever after but wishing for something that will never be will only end in heartache. So for now my only wish is to simply make it through the day without feeling and without crumbling, and without breaking apart. So like The Script says " The bad things happen for a reason, but no wise words gonna stop the bleeding. When a heartbreaks no it don't break even. I'm falling to pieces."