I'm not one for change. I hate it and wish that it didn't exist, although I know why it does. I long for the day when we can go back to being friends, when I could confide in you, when you came to me because you were having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. We have both changed so much over the years and it breaks my heart that we have grown in such different directions. I know that I built this mountain that is between us and I wish that I could tear it down but I can't. I don't want to be this person. I've tried so hard to change but I just can't no matter how hard I try. I want to be better to be more like you, I just don't know how to get there. I want the help I just don't know how to ask for help or to accept help. I'm so used to being the one who helps everyone else with their problems that I don't know how to ask for help or even accept others help without feeling like a complete failure. I am a screwed up horrible person and I don't know how to fix myself.